8:14 PM: I missed most of the Red Carpet dealings ... but I arrived a little before 8 ... and they were still going ... and they still are ... HURRY UP! Get the awards going!
8:21 PM: Why isn't Jeff Bridges wearing a bathrobe and sunglasses and carrying a White Russian?
8:24 PM: Taylor ... please move. I can't see wherever Neil Gaiman might be if he's behind you.
8:29 PM: Finally! It's starting! ... And the Best Actor and Actress nominees take the stage! New format!
8:31 PM: Neil Patrick Harris! :D A sequined suit? Nice! The set looks very 50s-ish! I like it!
8:34 PM: Martin and Baldwin descend like Glinda the Good Witch. Okay ...
8:36 PM: Alright opening monologue, a few good wisecracks, and good banter overall. Let's get to some awards!
8:37 PM: 3D glasses! Ha! ... And seeds from the trees in "Avatar"?!
8:40 PM: Nothing about George? Did his stern looks scare them?
8:42 PM: Lautner and Pattinson in 5 years = Martin and Baldwin? That'd be a hoot!
8:44 PM: Agnes Mishkin?! ... Oh, sorry, Penelope Cruz! My bad!
8:46 PM: 1 for 1. Waltz WAS the favorite, after all.
8:49 PM: Hey! Deadpool! Can ya do something about Miley, Robert, Taylor, and Kristen?
8:50 PM: Okay! First commercial break! ... Miley's presenting soon? *retches*
8:55 PM: Best Animated! ... Teleprompter joke? Really? Oh! I'm loving this montage bit!
8:57 PM: 2 for 2. Up ... no brainer.
9 PM: Miley ... you look very ... orange/bronze. And you are OBVIOUSLY wearing heels. There is NO way you're taller than Amanda Seyfried.
9:01 PM: 2 Randy Newman songs ... and neither will be winning. While I haven't seen "The Princess and the Frog" OR any of the other films up for Original Song, "The Weary Kind" is the biggest buzz surrounding it. And .. 3 for 3.
9:10 PM: Iron Man and Liz Lemon! ... I hope he isn't hungover.
9:11 PM: Oh, look, Robin Williams! ... He isn't up for anything. :( Oh, yes, Robert, those long monologues are great, aren't they? :D
9:15 PM: 4 for 4! Yes!
9:16 PM: John Hughes memorial. *sigh* I've only seen "The Breakfast Club". :(
9:21 PM: ... Macaulay Culkin looks the same as he did about a decade or so ago. ... He isn't a vampire, is he?
9:23 PM: I want those mothereffin' balloons off of my mothereffin' house!
9:26 PM: Sally Sparrow and Uhura/Netyri!
9:29 PM: Great words to the wise, John Lasseter!
9:30 PM: ... Wallace and Gromit doesn't win?!?! WHA?!?! 4 for 5.
9:34 PM: And another Take-Your-Pick category doesn't go my way. 4 for 6.
9:35 PM: And the first Play-Em-Off!
9:36 PM: And another Take-Your-Pick goes my way! 5 for 7.
9:37 PM: ... Ben Stiller ... you have made me laugh. You win! ... And whoever did your makeup should get the Best Makeup award. ... "Star Trek" is cooler than "Avatar". I guarantee it.
9:40 PM: YES! 6 for 8!
9:44 PM: And I STILL have to see "A Serious Man".
9:49 PM: Wow! I did NOT see that one coming! 6 for 9. Congrats to Geoffrey Fletcher!
9:52 PM: Roger Corman (I've seen a bit of the original "Little Shop of Horrors") ... Gordon Willis (recently saw "The Godfather") ... Lauren Bacall (I don't think I've seen any of her movies) ... John Callet ...
9:54 PM: It's the Genie! ... And a ball joke! C'mon! Pot joke! Pot joke! Pot joke!
9:58 PM: And I didn't pick Mo'Nique. Maybe all the buzz turned me off. 6 for 10.
10:05 PM: And one for James Cameron. 6 for 11.
10:09 PM: Who is next to Sarah Jessica Parker?!
10:10 PM: Another one I didn't win. 6 for 12.
10:14 PM: Amusing horror tribute by Baldwin and Martin.
10:16 PM: *retches*
10:17 PM: "JAWS"! Duh duh ... duh duh ... duh duh duh duh ...
10:20 PM: "TWILIGHT" ISN'T HORROR!
10:24 PM: ... Why did I not pick "The Hurt Locker" for Sound Editing?! 6 for 13.
10:25 PM: ... And why did I not pick "The Hurt Locker" for Sound Mixing too?! 6 for 14.
10:35 PM: James! C'mon! Give your ex-wife another award! 6 for 15.
10:38 PM: James Taylor! In Memoriam ... Dom DeLouise! Aww ... Doctor No! Roy Disney! Larry Gelbart! Karl Malden! Aww ...
10:45 PM: Oh, a score montage with a dance troupe! Nice! Hrm ... they couldn't get Pilobolus.
10:50 PM: George Clooney- "WHA?! I'm on camera?!" *does double take*
10:51 PM: Giacchinno doesn't fail! 7 for 16.
10:53 PM: Ryan- "Gerard Butler- "THIS IS OSCARS!" *kicks person into a pit*"
10:54 PM: JAMES! C'mon! Why not a movie that cost $200 million less than yours cost?! 7 for 17.
10:56 PM: Clooney head bob. ^_^
11:02 PM: Yes! Thank you for bringing "The Cove" to my attention, Hank Green! 8 for 18.
11:04 PM: Texted "Dolphin".
11:05 PM: Yes, Tyler Perry, you got that right.
11:06 PM: Martin and Baldwin in Snuggies! Ha! ... YES! THE HURT LOCKER! 9 for 19! ... Correction: I picked "District 9". "FUCK! I PICKED 'DISTRICT 9'!" 8 for 19.
11:16 PM: Wow ... I haven't seen any of the Foreign Language films ... but I was pulling for "The White Ribbon". 8 for 20.
11:30 PM: Nice speeches from former co-stars.
11:31 PM: Okay. Good for The Dude. 8 for 21.
11:35 PM: Someone get The Dude a White Russian! NOW!
11:47 PM: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!? ... 8 for 22.
11:51 PM: You can tell that it's Barbara Streisand. It's the nose.
11:54 PM: Congrats to Kathryn Bigelow! You have made history! And I picked your hubby's film to win Directing! "Yes! 'The Hurt Locker'! ... FUCK, I picked 'Avatar'!" 8 for 23. Yeah ... I'm not making it to double digits.
11:57 PM: *double take and walks back out* In Kathryn's head: "I won?!?!?!" Congrats to Kathryn! 9 for 24.
Final thoughts: Congrats to Kathryn Bigelow! You beat your headstrong, ego-driven ex-husband with a more realistic movie that was made for at least $200 million less!