Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Worst Parents of the Year?

Well ... considering all the news about families being on or trying to get on reality TV these days, I decided to compile a little list of the top 3 worst parents that are in the news for one reason or another.

3) Octomom
Okay, Nadya Suleman. You already have 6 kids, all through In Vitro Fertilization. You decide, "Oh, hey, I have 6 frozen embryos left, so I'll have them implanted at the same time!" You did. One of those eggs split in two. 9 months later, despite the fact that you're looking like Violet Beauregarde after her unfortunate gum chewing accident, you give birth to 8 surprisingly healthy babies. What's worse is that you don't have a regular source of income. So ... how the eff are you going to care for these kids? Can anyone say ... REALITY SHOW?
But seriously, thanks for contributing to the re-population of the world! Now ... can you find some good childcare? Thanks.

2) Jon and Kate Gosselin
Hey, Jon and Kate. You've had kids through In Vitro Fertilization, before Octomom made it popular! But Jon, you can't seem to control that little guy in your pants, so off you go with someone who's not Kate and the tabloids go nuts! And now you're getting divorced! Oh, and guess what? You're off the show, Jon! ... And you now want your kids OFF TV?! *facepalm* So ... first, you and your wife want your life and your kids lives broadcast on cable TV and after a little boinking with someone other than your wife and a divorce and a re-branding of what used to be your show, you want your kids OFF TV? ... JON! GOD!
But at least you two provide for good distracting TV. ... So, what's going on with that care bill thingy?

1) Richard and Mayumi Heene

Okay, Richard! You and your wife want a reality show to talk about your possibly nutjob theories about the world being run by lizard people (you haven't been obsessing over the 1980s show V, have you?). How do you drum up buzz for your reality show? Oh, I know! Go on a hunt for UFOs? ... No, not good enough. Hrm ... viral marketing campaign? No, too cliché. Oh! Perfect! Release a giant saucer shaped weather balloon and claim that your son accidentally crawled inside it and he's stuck in the balloon! Oh, you know what would be even better? Call the media BEFORE calling the proper authorities to report the incident! And guess what's next? After a wild goose chase after the balloon, your son, aptly named Falcon, isn't in the balloon, but inside a box in your attic!
And what in the world could happen next? During an interview on CNN, your son goes ahead and says, "I thought it was for the show." ... FOR THE SHOW?!?! YOU DID THIS FOR A SHOW?!?! You stole the attention of the media from important things like healthcare reform for a hoax story to drum up interest in your soon-to-be reality show?! ... And you even came up with a theme song ... A FREAKIN' THEME SONG?!?!

Okay. Your thoughts. Got any more names for the list of Worst Parents of the Year? Leave names and stories/evidence in the comments.

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